3:159 (Y. Ali) It is part of the Mercy of Allah that thou dost deal gently with them Wert thou severe or harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about thee: so pass over (their faults), and ask for (Allah’s) forgiveness for them; and consult them in affairs (of moment). Then, when thou hast taken a decision put thy trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).
42:38 (Y. Ali) Those who hearken to their Lord, and establish regular Prayer; who (conduct) their affairs by mutual Consultation; who spend out of what We bestow on them for Sustenance;
The Prophet(SAW) said : ‘’Certainly Allah and His Messenger did not stand in need of the advice of anybody, but Allah has made it (the seeking of advice) a source of mercy for men. Those who hold consultation will not stray away from the path of rectitude, while those who do not are liable to do so.’’ Baihyqi
Formal consultation is a process to reach an agreement on an issue of mutual interest.
Every member of the family should participate in such consultation with an open mind. Some pointerson how to do this are as follows:
- Begin the consultation with praising Allah and asking Him to bestow peace and blessings on the Prophet.
- Be willing to sacrifice your opinion if it is not accepted, even if you are sure of its soundness.
- Learn the details of the topic under consultation before you speak.
- Listen attentively to what others are saying.
- Be respectful in discussing others’ points of view.
- Remember that the process of consultation involves abiding by what is agreed upon.
- Involve all children in the formal family consultation.They come up with brilliant ideas.
- Avoid being defensive or sarcastic.
- Be rational and reasonable.
- Make du`aa’ (supplication) so that Allah may bless your decisions at the end.
- Make istikharah – prayer for guidance
Children’s Participation in Consultation
Children are intelligent, thinking beings who have much to contribute in discussions. Too often, parents dismiss the opinions and thoughts of their kids, thinking their youth and inexperience mean they are too young for consultation. Not so!
Doing consultation in the family helps kids learn how to communicate effectively in a safe, comfortable environment. Parents need to remember that their love is crucial in raising their children, but it is not enough to raise a well-adjusted, happy child. Communication is the key to successful development.
source: Mutual Consultation