Good Deed: #143 Give sadaqah to family first

1000 Good Deeds Dilemma: You mum passes away. While you going through her things, you find a notebook. In it are pages and pages of scratched out numbers. On the last page you see 10 fasts and 100 days of salaah outstanding? What do you do?

12:88 (Y. Ali) Then, when they came (back) into (Joseph’s) presence they said: “O exalted one! distress has seized us and our family: we have (now) brought but scanty capital: so pay us full measure, (we pray thee), and treat it as charity to us: for Allah doth reward the charitable.”

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “To give something to a poor man brings one reward, while giving the same to a needy relation brings two: one for charity and the other for respecting the family ties.” (Ahmad and Tirmidhi)

Hakim ibn Hizam narrated that the Prophet (SAW.) said: “The upper hand is better than the lower hand, (i.e., he who gives charity is better than him who takes it). One should start giving first to his dependents. And the best object of charity is that which is given by a wealthy person (from the money which is left after his expenses.) And whoever abstains from asking others for some financial help, Allah will give him and save him from asking others, Allah will make him self-sufficient.” (Bukhari, Vol. 2, Hadith 508)

Abu Umamah (r.a.) narrated that Allah’s Messenger said: “O son of Adam, it is better for you if you spend your surplus (wealth), but if you withhold it, it is evil for you. There is (however) no reproach for you (if you withhold means necessary) for a living. And begin (charity) with your dependents; and the upper hand is better than the lower hand.” (Muslim, 2256)

It is related from Jabir that the Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, said: “When one of you is poor, he starts with himself. If anything is left, he spends it on his dependents. If anything is (still left) then on his relatives, and then, if more is left, he spends it here and there.”

The prophet(SAW) said: ”O son of Adam, if you spend the surplus, it will be better for you; and if you retain it, it will be bad for you. You will not be reprimanded for keeping what is enough for your need. Begin with those who are your dependents, and the upper hand (i.e., the one that spends in the way of Allah) is better than the lower hand (i.e., the one that receives charity).” [Muslim]

The Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, said: “Give sadaqah.” A man said: “I have a dinar.” He replied: “Give it to yourself as sadaqah.” He said: “I have another dinar.” He replied: “Give it to your wife as sadaqah.” He said: “I have another dinar.” He replied: “Give it to your child as sadaqah.” He said: “I have another dinar.” He replied: “Give it to your servant as sadaqah.” He said: “I have another dinar.” He replied: “You would be able to assess better [to whom to give it].” This is related by Abu Dawud, an-Nasa’i, and Hakim.

The Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, said: “A man has sinned enough if he neglects to feed those in need.”  Muslim and Abu Dawud.

The Prophet(SAW) said “The most excellent sadaqah is that given to a relative who does not like you.” This is related by at-Tabarani and Hakim.

Action plan

One’s children, family, and relatives have precedence over others. It is not permissible to give sadaqah to a stranger when you and your dependents are in need of it.

1.  Smile with each other

2.  Greet one another

3. Be kind to your parents

4. Have mercy on children

5.  Love your brother

6. Respect and appreciate your mother

7. Be intimate with your spouse

8. Respect your husband

9. Be kind to your wife

10. Have children

11. Keep strong family ties

Possible dilemma solutions

Writing a will for missed salaah and saum

Expiatory payments on behalf of the dead?
Duties of Children towards Deceased Parents
Repay fast for deceased mother
Sadaqatul Fitr

Qada salaah

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