31:17 (Y. Ali) “O my son! establish regular prayer, enjoin what is just, and forbid what is wrong: and bear with patient constancy whatever betide thee; for this is firmness (of purpose) in (the conduct of) affairs
2:63 (Y. Ali) And remember We took your covenant and We raised above you (The towering height) of Mount (Sinai) : (Saying): “Hold firmly to what We have given you and bring (ever) to remembrance what is therein: Perchance ye may fear Allah.”
11:120 (Y. Ali) All that we relate to thee of the stories of the apostles,- with it We make firm thy heart: in them there cometh to thee the Truth, as well as an exhortation and a message of remembrance to those who believe.
Prophet (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) used to supplicate frequently saying, “O’ Allah, The One Who changes hearts, make my heart firm on your deen.” Tirmidhi
A touching story of a mother firm in Faith- Islamic Lecture by Bilal Assad!
Firmness does not mean hostility. The firm behavior is not aggressiveness, scolding, threatening, rough or sarcasm. Firmness is different from aggressiveness. When you defend your self and prove your presence, you are not transgressing the rights of others
. Firmness means you convey what you want to say to others in a clear way with respect to your rights and feelings and to the others’ rights and feelings.
How you can be more firm?
*Compose a group of values and rules for your self that make you able to prove your presence. Or in other words, permit for your self to get upset, to reject or to ask for help.
.*Avoid using platitude questions like: (the weather is hot today, isn’t it?), disclaimer talk like: (I may be wrong, but….), and statement sentences in a question form like: ( Don’t you close the door?). All of these formulas decrease from the firm confirmatory speech effect.
*Stop the self limitation behaviors like: too much smiling, too much head gesturing, head inclination and others signs that indicate the absence of self-confidence.
*When you refuse, be firm in your refusal and explain your refusal’s reasons but don’t escape the apology.
.*Use statements like: (I want) or ( I feel).
*Appreciate others attitude and feelings but follow your talk by a speech which means that you are defending your rights. You could say for example: ( I know that you are so and so, but I feel so and so).
*Use the word (I). (This usage benefits especially when you express a negative feeling).The usage of (I) helps on focusing on your anger in a constructive way and make you sure from your personal feelings.
*Remember! Use personal pronoun and avoid speaker pronoun like: (You are so…so).
*look in the eyes of who you are talking with, be relax in your seat or posture, let your face expressions indicate that you are convinced about what you are saying, and let your voice tone harmonized.
*Hear others and let them feel that you heard what they have said. Ask clarifying questions.
*Practice in front of your family and friends and ask them to give their opinion in your behavior.
First, treat the situations that cause minimum worries. Gather your power of firm and confirmation. Do not let your determination depressed if you didn’t do a firm behavior. Determine where you did the mistake and how you could improve the situation next time. Reward your self when ever you press on your self to be firm without looking if the wanted results were achieve or not.
Dr. Telman suggest – as Narat Al-Magrab website- the usage of (sequence appreciation); the psychological expression that means the trial of passing a part of the road toward the target. Like: if it is impossible for you to to talk firmly, try to say one paragraph firmly. And after you achieve that, try the next time to say two paragraphs firmly.
Each opportunity lets you to practice your self, will be in the same time an opportunity to be satisfied with your self because you talked firmly. This feeling compose a step forward to get the self respect.
Say this dua often
1. Yaa muqalibal-quloob thabit quloobanaa-ala-deenik
Oh ye who turns hearts, make our hearts firm upon the deen
source: How to be firm