Good Deed: #179 Stop belittling yourself

49:14 (Y. Ali) The desert Arabs say, “We believe.” Say, “Ye have no faith; but ye (only)say, ‘We have submitted our wills to Allah,’ For not yet has Faith entered your hearts. But if ye obey Allah and His Messenger, He will not belittle aught of your deeds: for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear. Hadith Qudsi

Native Deen – I only fear my Lord

Action Plan

To be assertive isn’t to say you are mean or rude. It doesn’t make you pushy or annoying. It just means that you say the truth and get things done. How Do You Become More Assertive?

1. Develop a value and belief system, which allows you to assert yourself. In other words, give yourself permission to be angry, to say “No,” to ask for help, and to make mistakes. Avoid using tag questions. (“It’s really hot today, isn’t it?”), disclaimers (“I may be wrong, but…”), and question statements (“won’t you close the door?”) all lessen the perceived assertiveness of speech.

2. Resist giving into interruptions until you have completed your thoughts. (Instead, say – “Just a moment, I haven’t finished.”)

3. Stop self-limiting behaviors, such as smiling too much, nodding too much, tilting your head, or dropping your eyes in response to another person’s gaze.

4. When saying “No,” be decisive. Explain why you are refusing but don’t be overly apologetic.

5. Use “I want” or “I feel” statements. Acknowledge the other person’s situation or feelings followed by a statement in which you stand up for your rights. E.g., “I know you’re X, but I feel…”

6. Use “I” language (this is especially useful for expressing negative feelings.) “I” language helps you focus your anger constructively and to be clear about your own feelings. For example: When you do (Behavior) The effects are (Results) I feel (Emotion) Remember: Stick to the first person, and avoid “you are”.

7. Maintain direct eye contact, keep your posture open and relaxed, be sure your facial expression agrees with the message, and keep a level, well-modulated tone of voice.

8. Listen and let people know you have heard what they said. Ask questions for clarification.

9. Practice! Enlist the aid of friends and family and ask for feedback. Tackle less anxiety-evoking situations first. Build up your assertiveness muscle. Don’t get discouraged if you behave non-assertively. Figure out where you went astray and how to improve your handling of the situation next time. Reward yourself each time you’ve pushed yourself to be assertive regardless of whether or not you get the desired results source: How to be more assertive

Tags: Be assertive